Yes indeed, I think we all have a problem with grasping this Lee. To quote James, ” It’s not that the “WE” is a collection of “I’s” banded together. The “We” is what enabled the “I’s” to come into being in the first place”. This takes us back to the idea of the autonomous self who believes that all thoughts and desires originate in one’s self, rather than the process of induction that James speaks of, where we learn and absorb from the family, the group, the community; we are not individuals but interdividuals. I think that contemplation is so important in this process, as it teaches us that we are all broken, wounded creatures, as is the person with whom we may be in conflict, rivalry etc. This is how compassion and the recognition of the other as also hurting comes into being. Does that make sense?
